Selective Amnesia

= n. a mental condition in which the memory retained is very selective. Often a person can remember certain general occurrences of the traumatic situation but do not retained the trauma felt.

Today, everything good regarding storage is higher memory capacity. My iPod is now 40Gb, my phone and camera sim card filling fast at 1Gb, my laptop has been updated to 60Gb. So, is storing more really better? I choose to forget.

Time past is beautiful. It is made up of moments in our life and experiences that will add layers of flavours in our lives. I’ve fought many battles, some lost and some won. I remember the celebrations of won battles, those that gave me confidence in what I have accomplished and assurance that I can do it again. The battles I lost, I forget the pain and kept the lessons. The taste of success is only so sweet when we’ve learnt bitterness. But bitterness doesn’t have to linger.

Moving to new country in 2006, that was a year of building. In a year, I’ve learnt that being alone doesn’t mean loneliness. I’ve built my retreat in 35m². I’m armed with a snake-like cushion blocking cold winter air from entering my door. How did I survive before? I can’t remember. My heater is now turned on in December without anyone telling me. When did I switch on the heater before? I can’t remember, January? My fortress is reinforced to warm me up when the outside is cold.

I have lost close friends made who have now moved out of the country. It still pains me to know that there are people I have to let go. But letting go is no longer scary. These are people I’ve loved with sincerity, I’ve trusted without doubt, I’ve treasured like precious stones. Remembering them brings back memories of laughter shared, secrets whispered and hopes expressed. My heart is warmed each time I remember the joy we shared. I’ve forgotten that I’ve lost them, the world is round and they may come back one day. Losing people doesn’t have to build up walls of a callous heart.

2007, another year, why waste it on reminiscing love misguided, hopes dashed, friends lost, disappointments, failing to reach the mark? Forget the fear of being alone, shed the heaviness of heart, lost count of losses. The year ahead, I will love and forget to count the times I don’t receive, I will trust and forget the fear of betrayal and I will build and forget when I had none. And I will forget that I am but getting older….

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