For many months now, my email exchange with a friend follows the same pattern.
- 1 respond to every 3 emails I sent.
- A repeated cycle of the following content:
- Me: Hey, how are you? How’s it going with your (work, trip, life, plans etc)? Want to hang out?
- Her: Hey, thanks for the mail. I’m currently (planning my trip, presentation, just back, working etc). How about we try for something after (I’m back, my trip, I settled in, I settled in properly, finish my presentation, finish my paper etc)
I’m not sure how many of these returns are needed (and she must think I’m dim) for me to realize she’s blowing me off, letting me down gently. Who says friendships are easier than relationships.
Trouble is, we are part of a group of friends who hung out together often. So, on her birthday party recently, I made her a cake as declaration of friendship. But in my place, what would you have done? Would you have stayed and celebrate with her pretending that she wants you to be there? Would you stay or not?
I chose to leave. It wasn’t easy because everyone had expectations. They expected me to be around, to be there. I wanted to. My whole body objected to the act of leaving by giving me a headache and my ears seemed to pop. But I did go, I had made a cake, helped to prepare for the party and cooked. That was the only way I knew how to extend my friendship and retain some dignity and remain authentic.
How do normal people do it? What happens when the popular girl in the group blows you off and for some reason decides that you are not cool enough. I feel like I’m back in school again.
My good friend (a guy) said once “Be with someone who wants to be with you.” Can his manly reasoning work for a bunch of girls? I regret trying to be a friend, maybe if I didn’t, it wouldn’t have been awkward and I could go on in the group not bothering. But I do care and so I can only do so and still try to be true. And hope the rest will also accept me for who I am and afford me generosity. I’d rather stay, really.