To bet or not to bet

Relationships are hard. They are even harder when the odds are against you. Yes, I’m not very optimistic. And frankly, it’s not being self defeating, if you knew my odds.

Let’s say boy meets girl, boy and girl like each other. Then what? We know in the real world that happily ever after comes much much later and maybe never. So why gamble away your freedom and happiness that is within your control and concede it to a joint effort?

Here are some good reasons. It’s better to eat with someone. Holidays are cheaper, sharing a taxi is cheaper, they have deals for 2 for flights, heck, even taxes are lower for a couple. Chores are split, you can cook and he can wash, you can vacuum and he can mop. You get a warm shoulder and hug when you are sick, sad, happy or just simply watching a movie on a couch. Okay, that’s all the gooey stuff. I’m sure there’re more that made millions dive head long and bet time and again that the person in front of them is ‘the one’. Boys do it, girls do it, bees do it, birds do it. You get the point.

But when the odds are all stacked up against you, you have to think. Like me. Seriously. They aren’t great. There is the thing with my mum. We don’t have fights or the stormy kind of relationships some daughters have. We don’t fight because she’s literally beaten it out of me. So we can forget about growing up in a loving and nurturing environment and knowing how that works. There’s the looks thing. Sure, it’s not all about the looks and I’m not ugly but I wouldn’t say the odds are that great on the surface. There’s the independence thing. When you’ve been working to keep yourself fed and educated since 12, there’s really very little faith in safety nets and depending on others, much less trust. There’s the ‘I don’t want to have children’ thing. I mean there’s so many children in the world suffering and needing love already, why bring another into this world. Besides, didn’t we say that the world is over populated and our natural resources are depleting? But most people want to bear their likeness and you have to admit, we are kinda born to pro-create. Then, there’s the God thing. Well, years ago, I promised away getting married for a very sick friend to get better. She got better and I didn’t regret my decision. Although sometimes, I wonder if I can bear the weight of that decision.

Now, all things considered. Given that I’m not working towards marriage (if God held me to my end of the promise) or have children. And that I don’t actually know how to hold it together with faith and love and can’t hold it down either with my non existing awesome good looks, you have to ask, with these odds, who would put down a stake and gamble? Not unless you have nothing to lose including your good senses.

That was my predicament. Yet, I’m taking a gamble, betting against odds, taking my chances with each change of cards hoping the odds will be better. Or rather, preparing for the worst. Why bother?

Because, I guess, it was fun in the process, really fun, the kind that you laugh out loud, smile when no one is looking, feel warm and fuzzy. And because the opponent is worthy and fun to play with and in truth to lose to. And I’m not gambling for much, I guess. A day at a time. That’s what an incorrigible gamble will say.

What am I betting for? I don’t know.

I don’t know. Ur mm… We should really add that to the odds too.

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